Obituary of KATHLEEN ELLEN STECKLER

OUR FIRST DATE per Vic Steckler: As an impressionable young man watching the Tube [no, not YouTube] I recall a particularly fascinating artistic portrayal of the human condition in a 1950's weekly live TV play series. It highlighted an aspect of human nature that I have rarely seen done so well. The theme involved displaying an identical critical family event consecutively each week from the unique and perspective of each of the family members. Each individual recollected the event quite differently with the most significant consequence for their lives. Thus each reacted to the event in amazingly varied ways. My point in rendering this tale is to explain a recent interaction I enjoyed with R, our hospice volunteer, while we're at the bedside with my wife: R inquired how did we meet. I explained it was essentially a blind date orchestrated by good friends. At the time I had phoned this young lady and we spoke for an extended time thus successfully scheduling our first date. From this point on I cannot swear in court that events happened the way I recall them; however, this is my story, so I am sticking to it. On the other hand, I've always had the impression that to-be-bride perceived the first date as not going exactly as I am about to portray but I prefer my own lovely rendition. So…. We went to a soul food restaurant in the meatpacking district of lower Manhattan. They had a jazz band playing background music and served some unfamiliar cuisine. These were the days before it was cool to travel downtown. Back in the day, the elevated High Line Park was not even a gleam in the developer's eye. But somehow, I felt it was an interesting location, albeit at the time a rather sketchy locale, which for a first date could be rather interesting & creative. Somehow, I sensed that being interesting would be particularly attractive to this young lady and if nothing else I wanted to be interesting. This was not your generic movie & a drink type of the first date. Getting there were half the adventure and the destination was integral to the experience. Of course, I thought I had made a cool selection being the young, urbane, hip youth sort of person I wanted to portray. Unfortunately, I did a faux pas since I had not a clue what food to order. I ended up being served a rather fatty ham-butt type dish, which I found rather unpalatable. What happens next set the stage for our life together. My date immediately volunteered to switch plates with me so I could enjoy her much more attractive & wise selection. I was completely hooked at that point. Having just started a relationship with this woman it was immediately clear that she essentially, [a] could turn lemons into lemonade and [b] put her hand in the fire for me. My wife has been doing exactly that all her life for me, our children, friends, and relatives. The depth of character I worked so hard to display for utterly self-serving reasons was virtually overshadowed by her simple, altruistic gesture, which characterized the type of human being she was and remains. Some people work hard to make themselves look good and some people just have the natural, innate ability to do the right thing effortlessly. And of course, as I like to repeat almost by rote, "She is always right ". As I wrapped up this first-date story to R I sensed that my wife was reacting in a way just to essentially communicate….. that is not the way it happened. I gently responded explaining, hey it's my story and I can remember it the way I remember it. We Kind of chuckled, sorta, kinda, non-verbally in a subliminal manner no one else would be able to pick up on. I know she knew what the rebuke meant. Once again to me, this tale reveals that my Bride demonstrated in a simple & elegant manner that she continues to give to me. I would submit my wife continues to do so more than I could ever return or give back even as I attempt to solace her.